first day of my new life: mommy

it's 5:43 a.m., toby's still sleeping, and the best time to write
something when you've just added a two-yr-old to the picture.
yesterday was one of the best days of my life.

we got to the home and saw the director and signed paperwork. i gave
her several photos of toby, she was very excited and asked again that
i email and send photos as he's growing up. i like her so well; she's
a great lady!

toby was happy to see us as usual, but it was definitely a different
day, as kids and caregivers/doctors/others kept popping in at random
to say goodbye, kiss Toby, or give him a little gift. of course he was
oblivious, not knowing that his very life was just about to change
forever.

i made a point of taking some photos of him with his little buddy,
baxter. i feel so sad that for the parting...baxter and the caregiver
came out and gave toby a little chicken toy to take with him. i
thought it was the sweetest thing.

we had time to play, change clothes, and then went to the hall for
some hide and seek; once again, this is toby's favorite thing! we got
some cute video, but once again we have failed to get any photos of
him smiling. the camera comes out and he gets stone-faced, silly
little guy! we've gotta work on that. so far it's too much work to try
to post anything, hopefully in Almaty we'll have some time to make
some photos smaller, since i know everyone is waiting to see him.

before leaving they like to give them one more meal. so special to go
and be a part of that, watching the little kiddos eating at their
table, and seeing toby eat a meal for the first time. he handled that
huge spoon famously, and gobbled up his soup and bread. i took videos
and photos, and i made sure i got some of Sam too, for Karen and Glen.

time to pack him up. i was so delighted that our favorite caregiver
was "on" today,and she clearly choked up as she came out to give him
one last hug and kiss - i could barely take it, as i reached up for
her and hugged her close and thanked for all she and the others have
done. she has been there since the day he came.

we donned the snow suit, headed out, and he never said boo. what did
he comprehend? i have no idea. nothing, i would guess. just that he
trusts me, and if he has to go out, he has to go out. it was a quiet
ride back to the hotel as i sat there with my quiet little boy on my
lap, gazing out the window of the town he'll never learn to know.

then, the best afternoon ever. the room was hot, so we all stripped
down to the bare essentials and Toby got to know the big, bouncy
king-size bed. we played peek a boo with his stuffies, he laughed and
loved it, and i think we got some great video. again, too slow a
connection to post it here for now.

we had our first snack together, an orange and cookie, granola bars
for us gals since  somehow we missed the opportunity for lunch, and
then headed out in the stroller to the store. and i now see why people
don't use strollers here; they really don't work that well on ice! :-)

toby did great outside, never freaked out or anything. he doesn't mind
all the people - i think it's just when strangers get in his face and
give him direct attention that he becomes uncomfortable. we bought a
ball and some fruit and headed back in the wind. i carried him on the
way back, and boy, did i realize how heavy he is. it doesn't help that
that slippery snow suit makes him slip down on me - like carrying a
sack of flour!

poor little guy was exhausted, but we kept him up another hour and met
olga, aya and dinara for supper and went to--guess where: yes, pizza
blues! conveniently one was located just around the corner. it's funny
how everything will now become a matter of convenience.

toby was kinda dazed he was so tired, but he played nicely till the
soup came,and then he just gobbled down that soup and bread like there
was no tomorrow! he also did fine with, i would imagine, his first
pizza. i don't think feeding this kid is going to be a problem at all;
i'll just have to learn how much b/c i don't think he would ever stop
on his own.

it was such fun going out with the gals now as Toby's mom; each of
them has played a big part in our adoption journey this past year, and
i think they're just wonderful young women. it hit me in a real way,
that, after being here in Ust three times this year, this is it; i
will probably never see any of them again - or at least not for years.
amanda took toby up to the room to start getting him ready for bed,and
we hugged and said or goodbyes. i pulled the cardinal married-person
sin and promised i'd be praying for GREAT husbands for them. ;-D

we were able to skype with rob for a short time, which was great. it
wasn't a great connection and so his face kept freezing up and voice
cut in and out some, but i think toby figured out after a bit that it
really was daddy. i'm so glad rob got to see him too. i miss him so
much, i soooo wish he could be here, sharing in this. but, having said
that, i am UBER grateful Amanda is here; Toby and she are getting
along GREAT, and i could never do this alone. when i got off the call
with rob, they were playing with sippy cups and toby was jabbering up
a storm: NOT kidding. this little guy who barely said five words a
week when we were here before is now jabbering, repeating animal
sounds, shaking his head no and yes sometimes, saying mommy and daddy
regularly, and in general --totally coming into his own! it's
wonderful. i know sometimes now he is talking in Kazakh - i so wish i
could understand him.

then, despite our efforts to darken the room and lie down, he wanted
to play. i ended up taking him for a  stroller ride in the hall; 10 or
15 minutes of that did the trick,and my little boy was asleep. he
roused a little as i laid him on the pillow beside me, holding his
little froggie and nesting himself near and facing me. i looked at his
little sleepy face and could hardly believe it; he is ours. after two
years of waiting, we have our son. it's almost too much to believe.
and from here on out, everything changes...

thank you, Jesus.